Very Important Notice
Reporting to the police should only ever involve true, factual information about what actually happened.
This resource is here to help you understand your options, not to encourage or enable false, exaggerated, or retaliatory reports.
Making a false statement or using police reports as intimidation, revenge, or coercion is a criminal offence and can cause serious harm to real victims.
If you’re unsure what counts as a factual report, it’s always best to seek legal advice before making a statement.
A Note Before You Decide
Reporting isn’t the right choice for everyone and that’s okay.
For some people, going to the police feels empowering and brings closure. For others, it’s overwhelming, unsafe, or simply not what they want right now.
You’re not “failing to stand up for yourself” if you don’t report. You’re the expert on your own safety. Sometimes the bravest thing you can do is focus on getting distance, staying safe, and rebuilding quietly.
If you’re unsure, speak to a support worker, IDVA, or legal advocate first. They can help you understand your options without pressure, judgment, or paperwork.
Because, baby, no one else gets to decide what healing or safety looks like for you.
Reporting Non-Physical Domestic Abuse in the UK
Most people know that hitting someone is a crime. What many don’t know is that emotional, financial, and psychological abuse are too. The UK legally classifies many of these patterns as serious criminal offences.
The good news? You don’t need to memorise legal statutes before you ask for help.
If someone’s behaviour is scaring, isolating, or exhausting you, it’s valid to report. The process might sound intimidating, but many people find it calmer, more supportive, and far more validating than they expected.
Here’s How It Really Goes When You Report Non-Physical Abuse
1. Make a Report to Your Local Police
If there’s an immediate risk to your safety or someone else’s, call 999.
Where there’s no immediate danger, call 101 or walk into any police station and say:
“I need to report domestic abuse and coercive behaviour. I’m not in immediate danger, but I want it logged.”
The first person you speak to will likely be a call handler or front desk officer. Their job is to listen and take down a record of what’s happened. They may ask:
- Are you safe right now?
- What kind of behaviours have been happening?
- Are there children involved?
- Are you still living with this person?
- Do you have any material evidence (messages, screenshots, voicemails, etc.)?
If you don’t feel comfortable doing this in person, most police-force websites have an online reporting service. Include as much detail as you can — they’ll guide you from there.
Don’t panic if you don’t have evidence yet. They aren’t expecting a case file; they just need your truth. Your job is to describe what happened. Theirs is to build the paperwork around it.
What Happens After You Report
Talking to a Specialist Officer
Once your report is logged, you’ll be contacted by a specialist officer from the domestic abuse or safeguarding team.
These officers chose this field, they’re not the motorway-chasing types. They deal in empathy, not high-speed pursuits.
They’re trained to handle emotional, psychological, and coercive abuse. They understand that control doesn’t always leave bruises, and that many victims still love or miss the person they’re reporting. They don’t expect you to be fearless or perfectly calm — they expect you to be human.
You’ll be asked to give a formal statement, in your own words. You can:
- Ask for a female or male officer — whatever feels safer.
- Bring a support person, advocate, or IDVA.
- Take breaks, or stop entirely if you feel overwhelmed.
Domestic abuse officers are trained to listen for patterns: fear, control, isolation, not just single incidents. So if you say, “I was walking on eggshells” or “he’d go quiet for days when I said no,” they understand exactly what that means.
Why This Matters
Because for once, you don’t have to translate.
You don’t have to justify why you stayed. You don’t have to rationalise why it broke you when other people say they’d have “just left.” You don’t have to explain why a holiday together didn’t make up for everything that happened after.
These officers already understand the language of coercion and how it rewires your sense of safety. They train with Refuge, SafeLives, and Women’s Aid on topics like trauma, psychological control, and child safeguarding. Many come from social-work or victim-support backgrounds.
Their job isn’t to interrogate, it’s to record your story accurately and make sure you know your rights and options. If you remember new details later, that’s normal; statements can always be updated.
For many survivors, this is the first time anyone listens without minimising, disbelieving, or twisting your words. It can be emotional, but it’s also the first moment you realise you weren’t overreacting. It really was that bad.
If You’re Unsure or Not Ready
- Speak to Refuge or Victim Support for guidance before reporting.
- Ask police to file an information-only record — logged but not yet investigated.
- Request a safe contact method: email-only, withheld number, limited hours, or alternate email address.
Evidence You Can Bring
- Texts, call logs, or social-media screenshots.
- Bank statements showing withheld funds or sabotage.
- Photos of property damage or injuries.
- Medical or GP notes documenting stress or harm.
- Diary entries or timelines with dates.
- Witness statements from friends or family.
You don’t need all of these (or any of them) to report. Pattern + impact is enough.
Dear Diary, WTF? Takeaway
Reporting abuse isn’t about revenge, it’s about recording reality in a system that finally knows what to call it.
Whether you make the report now, later, or never, remember this: your story counts. Your safety matters. And calm, factual honesty is far more powerful than fear or fury ever were.
Dear diary, WTF? Turns out the truth sounds louder when you say it on record.
